I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
