only you would photoshop your dick
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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