Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
