Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize