the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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