FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
