some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
