Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Hippo gnu deer
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
