it was like eating out sand paper
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
