Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
