I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
