Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
