I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Randomize
