my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
