apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize