Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
