i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
