Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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