if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize