There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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