remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
