roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
