What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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