Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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