You really coming over, don't trick.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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