He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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