Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize