Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
