I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
