its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
