remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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