You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
