he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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