is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize