That's when you crack a 10am beer
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My vagina is very pro this idea
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
