I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
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