you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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