i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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