Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
