God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
