so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
