woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
