Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We need to get me chipped asap
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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