I'm sorry my penis didn't work
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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