Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
