where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
