His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
