I think im going to throw up on grandma
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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