I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
