If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
