Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
