well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
