She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
