I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
