He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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