i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
