i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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