pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
