We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
