capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
