Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
