The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
this is an emotional support booty call
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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