Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Randomize
