about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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