garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
