My nipple is on Facebook.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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