I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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