oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
